The Last 10 Weeks

I have been on Maternity leave for 10 weeks. Our lives were forever changed when we welcomed Heath to our lives. We became a family of 4, Hunter became a big brother and our family feels complete. These last 10 weeks have reminded me how much I love being home with my boys. But, it also reminded me of my call to not only be a wife to Kyle and mother to our two boys but a nurse to sick kids. I must admit I have struggled the last 10 weeks with going back to work. What would going back to work look like. Stay part-time? Work Full-time? Would Hunter and Heath be ok with me working full-time? What would be best for me and our family?

The bible teaches that you should go to God for your requests and guidance. Did I do that? No, not at first. It is funny how things work when you are at war with yourself. You worry, lose even more sleep, cry. I would run different options in my head on how things could go in the different situations presented. None of the outcomes are good. I have compared myself with other moms who seem happy being a stay at home mommy. I would feel bad about myself because I am not happy with staying at home. I researched the Internet on working moms vs. stay at home moms looking at if there was a difference in how the kids turned out. There are pros and cons of each. Ultimately there was no difference. All the research stated was children turn out the best when a parent is involved in their lives.

Finally I started to feel the Holy Spirit tug at me. I stared to pray not just for the things that I want but for what God wanted for my life. I signed up for a bible study at our church called Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Schirer. It teaches that we should anticipate hearing from God and to not doubt it. So I prayed and prayed and prayed that God would show me what he wanted for me. That I would have peace with whatever it was that he wanted me to do, that I would be obedient to His call.

I went to work a few weeks ago and my Physician asked me if I would like to come back to work full-time after my maternity leave was over. At the time I was very against working full-time in my heart, but told her that I would think about it. Since I went on maternity leave we have lost two Physicians. Going back full-time would be a great opportunity for me with increased responsibilities, my own patients, and more autonomy. Kyle and I talked about it and prayed about it. I initially said that I would go back part-time and then increase to full-time later. Hoping that would buy me more time to negotiate with God on His plan for me.

Through the bible study that I am doing I feel the Holy Spirit change my heart towards working full-time. Then I start to wrestle with what other people will think. Will they think I don't enjoy being a mom? Will they think I am making a bad decision? Am I making a bad decision? All these questions came rushing through my head. Then the ever so quiet voice of God stated " Why are you more concerned with what people will think of you going to work full-time than on what my call is for your life." These words hit me like a bolt of lightening. Why am I concerned? God's opinion of me is all that matters. If His will for me is to work full-time right now then He will take care of everything. All I have to do is obey Him.

So, friends I am going back to work full-time. Am I sad that I will have less time with my boys? YES! But, I am filled with peace and joy that my God thinks I am special enough to speak to me and give me peace. There are still so many unanswered questions on how things will work once I go back to work but I see God's hand in it all...